PROPS: Drinks table or bar, tray, glasses,
bottle of pills. chairs.
Cast:
Ruth: 1st.bridesmaid-
Aunt Cynthia: aunt to the groom
Betty: friend of the bride's mother
David: best man
Wayne: bride's brother
Charles: Father: of the bride
John:Father of the groom
The action takes place at the reception following Eric Johnson’s wedding to Tricia Green.
SCENE ONE:
Upper room of public house where the tables have been cleared and guests are circulating.
(Enter Wayne with Aunt Cynthia. Leads her to a chair:)
Wayne: Here you Auntie. Sit down and make
yourself comfy. Now what can I get you to drink? Sherry? Gin?
Cynthia: I don't drink, you know that! I suppose
it would be too much trouble to ask for a cup of tea. You young people think
booze is the only drink invented.
Wayne: You're so right Auntie. Far too much
drinking but tea is bad for you, how about a mineral water?
Cynthia: Well I suppose--
(Enter David accompanied by Betty.)
David: Do you two know each other?
Betty: I think we have met-
(Cynthia shakes her head)
Betty: At the engagement party, don't you
remember?
David: Of course. You must remember. You drank
too much champagne and were quite squiffy
Cynthia: Nonsense it was food poisoning. These
gatherings are always the same- cheap caterers and food poisoning. I told your
mother at the time she would have done far better to do her own catering. But
no one ever listens to me. Look at he money spent on this do. Total waste I
shouldn't wonder.
Betty: Oh don't say that, every bride should
have her special day and it was a lovely wedding. The flowers, the dresses and
didn't the church look lovely. I love a wedding they make me feel so sort of
warm and soft inside.
David: I'll get the drinks. (exit)
Cynthia: (snorts) What time is it? (looks
at her watch) Six o'clock! Time I had my pill. (searches in handbag brings out a pill bottle.)Didn't
I see you crying in church?
Betty: Well yes. I always cry at weddings. It's
so moving. Two young people declaring their love- (dabs her eyes with handkerchief)
Doesn't it make you cry?
Cynthia: No but it is more appropriate than
smiling, unless you enjoy watching other people's mistakes.
Betty: Mistakes? Surely you don't think--
Cynthia: You've only to look at the statistics
to guess how long it will last. One in five now isn't it? He should have
married Ruth. We all thought he would but it was Ruth's biggest mistake when she introduced him
to Tricia. Set her cap at him right away. Never mind that Ruth was supposed to
be her best friend. That's the trouble with folk today no loyalty. I only hope
he's made her sign a divorce document.
Betty: Whatever do you mean?
Cynthia: Why an agreement so that when they get
divorced she can't grab his assets.
Betty:(
sighing) I feel sorry
for all the young people today. There is no certainty in their lives. When you
and I married we could rely on a partner for life. At least most of us could.
Cynthia: Yes, well, we had to put up with our
husbands shenanigans like it or lump it
David: (Returns) Sorry I've been so long.
Perrier water for you Auntie and a large G&T for you Betty. Now then Auntie
what did your old man get up to?
Betty: Oh I'm sure Cynthia didn't mean...
David: Only kidding. I'll bet you were a real
knock out.
Cynthia: Looks aren't everything as my nephew
will no doubt find out. Ruth is just as attractive in her own way and her
father owns all those supermarkets. Oh well at least now I can take my pill.
Charles: (approaches
and puts his hand on Wayne's arm)
Wayne can I have a word? (Draws him aside) Have
you seen your sister? Only I can't find her and Mother says it's time she was
getting changed.
Wayne:Perhaps she and Eric have sneaked off. I
expect they want some space.
Charles: No. Eric is looking for her. I don't
know what she is playing at. He asked me to help, seemed worried. God knows why
it's not as if they've got a train to catch.
Charles: (shakes
his head) Your mother's looked.
Wayne: Well she must be somewhere. I'll go and
look out side.
(bumps into Ruth who is entering. She has obviously been
crying. )
Ruth: No! Why ask me?
Wayne: OK no need to jump down my throat. Anyway
you are the chief bridesmaid I thought you were supposed to look after her.
Dad is worried says it's time she
changed into her going away gear.
Ruth:Nothing to do with me. I did my bit when I
introduced them anyway I'd have thought it was Eric's job to look after his wife.
I need a drink.
Wayne: Don't you think you should go steady old
girl?
Ruth: I'm all right. Get out of my way.
(exit Wayne)
(Enter John, father of groom )
Charles: Everything seems to be going well.
John: Yes, no hitches so far although Eric got a
bit agitated at the church. We thought your gel had done a runner.
Charles: She'd have me to answer to but bride's
privilege you know. Costing me a packet this lot, still she's worth it. I hope
your lad knows what he's getting.
John: Pound has steadied again. You don't know
where you are are since this lot have been in. Up an down like a yo yo. Excuse
me I must have a word with my sister.
(joins Cynthia)
John: You all right? Can I fetch you another
drink? White wine is it?
Cynthia:Water-not even Perrier. A white wine
would be nice if you can find any.
John: And your friend?
Betty:
No thanks I think I'll circulate a bit.
John:I hope I haven't driven her away. Bit slow
offering the drinks aren't they and do you know I believe Charles was trying to
touch me for a donation.
Cynthia:Don't worry about Betty. She's a misery.
But you haven't agreed to give him anything have you?
John: Have I ever! It's a father's privilege to
fork out for his daughter's wedding. No I'll not give him or them a penny. Why
if it hadn't been for her-
Cynthia: He'd have married Ruth and been set up
for life. Good as engaged they were.
John: Engaged! Don't show your age Sis. They
don't get engaged these days. They just live over the brush. I don't know why
they had to rush into marriage anyway.
Cynthia: The usual reason I expect. And now the
bride has gone missing!
(enter Wayne)
Wayne: Call a doctor someone. I've found Trish.
In the garden. She’s in agony. Oh God I think she’s dying.
(Ruth runs out followed by Wayne)
Cynthia: Food poisoning. That’s what it will be.
Ecoli; we’ll all get it. I thought those vol-au-vents were off. Best ring for
an ambulance we’ll all need stomach pumping.
(guests exchange glances-some begin to heave-others
groan and collapse)
(ambulance sirens)
Cynthia: (swallowing
every drink within reach) Oh my God I’m going to die. I can feel the
pains starting.
Betty: Best stick to Perrier water then.
(enter
Ruth. She is smiling & Wayne has his arm around her)
Betty: really Ruth this is no laughing matter.
Ruth: No the ambulance men didn’t think so.
Betty: How is Trish? Are they coming to check
the others?
Ruth: Why is anyone else giving birth?
Betty: Giving birth? You mean …all the others?
Wayne: Mass hysteria and we all know who started
that! Poor Trish.
Betty: I must find your mother.
Wayne: I suppose I have to make an announcement.
(to Ruth) Will you wait for me?
Ruth: Yes you cantake me to visit Trish.
(curtain)